I’m reflecting a lot on how my motherhood affects and influences my art. When I was a little girl I dreamed of being the perfect mother. My children would be beautiful, well behaved, smart and civilized. They would love and adore me, and I would be so complete and fulfilled by them; there could be nothing else and I couldn’t wait to become a mom. And my children are all those things, mostly, sometimes, on occasion; and raising them is fulfilling. But the reality is its freaking hard, stressful, hectic and crazy 90% of the time, at least for me and my herd of 5. Sometimes I feel like they are more chimpanzee than child and sometimes God’s grace is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. Sometimes I feel like such a complete failure, I cant even fathom why God would give such an incompetent person like myself children to care and be responsible for.
As an artist I’m very drawn to the Blessed Mother. My desire is to draw her in many beautiful, bold and striking ways. Different ways that will draw people closer to the beautiful mystery of her. Maybe in drawing her I’m hoping to discover or collect for myself a little of her perfection. She was the perfect mother, the ultimate example of everything I want to be. I wonder do I subconsciously hope that maybe somehow by drawing her, studying her, I might infuse her peace into myself and into my home? I hope I do that, isn’t that a lovely thought. It helps me to calm down sometimes to walk to where her and Jesus’ picture hang on my wall and just look at her. When I am really feeling bad about my performance as a mother, I remind myself that even she lost her child once, she was human too, and that brings me great comfort.
In writing this I am seeing more and more my dependence on God and the peace that His beautiful mother brings to the world. I pray that maybe my drawings of her will help to bring peace to other mothers and families when they look at her on there wall. I hereby dedicate my drawings of our Queen of Peace to all mothers out there, especially the ones who struggle to get it right. I pray they find hope, guidance, relief and peace in the eyes of their most perfect Mother.